Sayfa 650 / 1294

At moments he felt he was raving. He sank into a state of

feverish excitement. "The old woman is of no consequence," he

thought, hotly and incoherently. "The old woman was a mistake

perhaps, but she is not what matters! The old woman was only an

illness.... I was in a hurry to overstep.... I didn't kill a

human being, but a principle! I killed the principle, but I

didn't overstep, I stopped on this side.... I was only capable of

killing. And it seems I wasn't even capable of that... Principle?

Why was that fool Razumihin abusing the socialists? They are

industrious, commercial people; 'the happiness of all' is their

case. No, life is only given to me once and I shall never have it

again; I don't want to wait for 'the happiness of all.' I want to

live myself, or else better not live at all.