Sayfa 148 / 1294

"But why am I going on like this?" he continued, sitting up

again, as it were in profound amazement. "I knew that I could

never bring myself to it, so what have I been torturing myself

for till now? Yesterday, yesterday, when I went to make that...

experiment, yesterday I realised completely that I could never

bear to do it.... Why am I going over it again, then? Why am I

hesitating? As I came down the stairs yesterday, I said myself

that it was base, loathsome, vile, vile... the very thought of it

made me feel sick and filled me with horror.

"No, I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it! Granted, granted that

there is no flaw in all that reasoning, that all that I have

concluded this last month is clear as day, true as arithmetic....

My God! Anyway I couldn't bring myself to it! I couldn't do it, I

couldn't do it! Why, why then am I still...?"