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"It's all very well for you... I am not envious... I love you and

Boris also," she went on, gaining a little strength; "he is

nice... there are no difficulties in your way.... But Nicholas is

my cousin... one would have to... the Metropolitan himself... and

even then it can't be done. And besides, if she tells Mamma"

(Sonya looked upon the countess as her mother and called her so)

"that I am spoiling Nicholas' career and am heartless and

ungrateful, while truly... God is my witness," and she made the

sign of the cross, "I love her so much, and all of you, only

Vera... And what for? What have I done to her? I am so grateful

to you that I would willingly sacrifice everything, only I have

nothing...."

Sonya could not continue, and again hid her face in her hands and

in the feather bed. Natasha began consoling her, but her face

showed that she understood all the gravity of her friend's

trouble.