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"I have nothing to make me miserable," she said, getting calmer;

"but can you understand that everything has become hateful,

loathsome, coarse to me, and I myself most of all? You can't

imagine what loathsome thoughts I have about everything."

"Why, whatever loathsome thoughts can you have?" asked Dolly,

smiling.

"The most utterly loathsome and coarse: I can't tell you. It's

not unhappiness, or low spirits, but much worse. As though

everything that was good in me was all hidden away, and nothing

was left but the most loathsome. Come, how am I to tell you?" she

went on, seeing the puzzled look in her sister's eyes. "Father

began saying something to me just now.... It seems to me he

thinks all I want is to be married. Mother takes me to a ball: it

seems to me she only takes me to get me married off as soon as

may be, and be rid of me. I know it's not the truth, but I can't

drive away such thoughts. Eligible suitors, as they call them-I

can't bear to see them. It seems to me they're taking stock of me

and summing me up. In old days to go anywhere in a ball dress was

a simple joy to me, I admired myself; now I feel ashamed and

awkward. And then! The doctor....